![]() Some punk in the back seat is trying to rob her. The saying, in relation to Jurassic Park, is that, “It took too long to get to the dinosaurs.” Well, Madea is our exciting dinosaur and it takes too long to get to her.īut now she’s here! We don’t need a 1 introduction to Madea we jump right to the 2. Partly this is all laying the pipe, and partly this is all boring stuff that should have been compacted. We have to follow Levy home so that he can explain the disaster to his family. He’s investigating the case that now involves Levy, so a meeting is in the future. More trouble for him: the company’s Ponzi scheme has taken money from 12 worthy charities, so Levy feels even more horrible.īring in Perry playing his lawyer character from the other Madea movies. Does anyone surf through life with no survival skills at all? Levy’s character starts out right away as slightly unlikable. His cluelessness, or his extreme innocence, are unbelievable. The company has been behaving illegally and Levy is on the hook for the crime. The office is full of workers shredding documents, much to Levy’s surprise. Eugene Levy, playing the dad, decides to go in to work on the weekend. Anyway, the house is mini-mansion and the wife rides horses. Maybe this is what middle-class Connecticut looks like nowadays, I don’t know. A rich, dysfunctional family living in the Hamptons, I suppose. It is with a bit of sadness that I post this criticism of her world. ![]() Eventually you’ll remember that Madea is played by Perry, but for the most part she will live as an independent person in your mind. Mabel has her own wikipedia page, so you can peruse her life for yourself. As I recall, my favorite so far is Madea’s Family Reunion. Madea’s Witness Protection is not the best of the series. And I bow to Tyler Perry as I would to any sensei.īut. All I have to do is type her name and I’m laughing. Things I’d Rather Do Than See Madea’s Witness Protection :ġ.) Be strapped to a chair, having to listen to Justin Beiber songs on a continuous loop, for the next 24 hours.Ģ.) Go sweater-vest shopping with Rick Santorum.ģ.) Replace my current wardrobe with Snuggies and Crocs in assorted colors.ĥ.) Engage in carnal activities with Flavor Flav.Ħ.) Let Stevie Wonder give me a haircut in the dark.ħ.) Do a pantsless split on a bed of nails.ĩ.) Have a face-to-face conversation with a person suffering from Halitosis who will speak in words only beginning with the letter “H”.ġ0.) Become a registered Republican, vote for Romney in November, be exposed as a fraud by my contemporaries, change my name, dye my hair, move to a remote location, and need a witness protection program of my own.First of all, I love Madea. Cicely Tyson appears out of nowhere and says something “profound”.Īnd even if the movie does differ from the aforementioned concepts, there are a bizillion things i’d rather do than see it.More over-acting, someone crying at this point.Insert vague Christian moral lessons from Madea.(church ladies will nod in agreement).Heroine will consist of either a vulnerable single mother who’s been victimized by a man and meets a light-skinned dude who will “sweep her off her feet” and Teach Her To Let Her Guard Down and Love Again or a callous, cut-throat career woman who finds out that if she doesn’t Take Care of Her Man and have his babies, someone else will.Secondary characters will over-act, over dramatize, over-emphasize the already cliched script.She slaps some kids around and slides around in her house shoes, providing us with images of The Mammy and hypermasculine-”strong black woman” within five minutes of the film. I mean, if you’ve seen the other 8,000 Perry films, you already know whats going to happen: What other logical explanation is there for the creation of yet another disastrous addition to the Madea series? And while some people don’t mind paying 10 bucks to sit in a theater surrounded by black church ladies to watch the world’s Most Acclaimed Minstrel show, I don’t really see the point. It’s official: Tyler Perry hates black people.
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